Divine Expression

For the last six years, I have been walking through this life in a solitary fashion. I have been searching for something I could never fully put into words, yet would be recognized when it was attained. A spiritual calling that has followed me throughout my life since I was a child. Once I found my significant other, or better said, once she found me, my spiritual path was inadvertently put on standby.

Since I have rekindled this journey over the last six years, I have been assessing different healing modalities which I felt could be profoundly effective in helping me to overcome my own shortcomings, and finally be at peace internally. I did not realize that my search for meaning had strayed so far from where it used to be, until I allowed myself to become completely honest with where I am, opposed to where I would like to be.

I got lost in the trivial nature of societal conditioning that I feel so many of us are susceptible to, and once I came to this realization, the weight of the guilt from what I felt was my own personal failure in achieving that which I figured I would have accomplished by now was immense, and has left me in a state of necessary external isolation in order to regain my footing in my own life, instead of following the status quo of that which I see others pursuing.

Success is not something that is universally felt, in the same way for all of us, but differs greatly from one person to another. I have seen those around me chasing their dreams, and aspirations, yet I myself have felt an obligation to be an energetic stabilizer for those around me, who have been going through their own trials, although this view was misplaced, it was something I felt duty bound to do.

I have always felt the need to be something of a strong foundational support, not so much for myself, but for those around me, and I have finally realized that this perception is one that I developed due to the things I was told as a child, which revolved around the ideas of parental figures that I was supposed to be the one who achieved success and utilized that success to stabilize and care for my siblings, giving no heed to what my personal aspirations were until just recently.

Living life with the motivating factor being that which others have instilled within you, is ultimately in my experience, doomed to leave one in a state of chronic anxiety, depression, and lack, unless one takes the time to sincerely and seriously examine your motivations internally, and what it was that put them there in the first place.

It has taken me doing substantial research into my own psychology in order for me to understand that the life I was living, was not being led by my own authentic aspirations, but was in fact placed there by my mother when I was just a young child. Diving into the psyche is necessary to understand the triggers, and what imprinted them in the first place, to have the capacity to disarm and transmute emotional weight that has been programmed into us by those who feel that they know what is best for us.

In order for a person to live their best life, they must live first and foremost for themselves, in alignment with that which brings true inner peace and joy.

Knowing yourself on a deep psychologically intimate level is necessary to understand that which you are meant to do in this incarnation, in my opinion, and this is not what we have been taught by so many years of conditioning, but I have decided that the time to follow has come and gone, and now I am finally ready to lead my own life the way I feel I am meant to, spiritually speaking.

Don't get lost living someone elses dream, especially when it does not align with your own.

Brightest Blessings.