4 Signs of Lovebombing That Everyone Should Know

Bloggers and relationship experts often describe "lovebombing" as the act of showering you with gifts, praise and extravagant displays of affection. Being lovebombed is fun while it lasts, but it's just a temporary distraction until the abuse sets in. Still, most relationships feel like a whirlwind of dopamine when you first meet. You may find yourself wondering, "How do I differentiate between lovebombing and regular affection?"

While I'm not a therapist, I've experienced lovebombing multiple times, and my first-hand experience enables me to write this guide about common tactics. Abusers are a manipulative bunch, and whether you're in your first relationship or your tenth, anyone can fall victim to these methods. Your abuser doesn't have to be a romantic partner, either: I've had "friends" lovebomb me intensely to get me to tolerate their insults.

This guide doesn't cover every situation. If you're worried about your relationship, it's best to talk to a professional. However, I wanted to give you a rundown of the warning signs before you're in too deep. Most abusers don't start insulting you right away; instead, they silently gather information and wait for the perfect time to strike.

1. They Fawn Over You

Abusers know that the occasional compliment isn't enough to get you hooked. They need to become your main source of happiness to encourage you to open up, spend all your time with them, trust them with personal information and cut off anyone who questions the relationship. As a result, they'll shower you with praise while the relationship is still young, making you think you've found the kind of love that other people dream about.

Common lovebombing tactics include:

• Buying expensive gifts
• Praising everything you say or do
• Agreeing with every opinion you have
• Publicly declaring their love on social media
• Calling you their "soulmate" or "twin flame"
• Saying they've never met anyone else like you
• Making grand gestures that involve lots of time, money or effort
• Attacking or arguing with people on your behalf

In particular, the craftier manipulators are good at coming up with compliments that target your insecurities. If you feel lazy, they'll say you just know how to relax. If someone calls you socially awkward, they'll say that you're selective with your attention. This makes you feel better in the moment, but it's just a trick to make you increasingly dependent on them for reassurance.

At times, the affection might feel excessive. You may wonder why your partner insists on complimenting everything, even your flaws and mishaps. This isn't an honest mistake on your abusers' part. Instead, they're counting on you to ignore your discomfort and keep lapping it up, which will make you cling to them when they inevitably start pulling away.

However, before you start questioning every hint of affection, I want to clarify that your loved ones are supposed to make you feel good about yourself. The occasional gift or compliment isn't a sign of lovebombing. Still, if something doesn't seem right, don't ignore that feeling. The fawning won't last forever, and once the honeymoon phase ends, there's nowhere to go but down.

2. They Become a Different Person

Lovebombing isn't meant to go on for the duration of your relationship. Instead, it creates a temporary high that makes you defend your partner when the abuse starts creeping in. They want you to think that the sweet angel is the "real" them--and when they start pulling away, it's your job to correct your behavior and make them happy again.

Inevitably, they'll start saying and doing the opposite of what they said previously. Once, they loved everything about you; now, they're cold, dismissive and rude. While they might sneak in a glimmer of affection to keep you hooked, the days of fawning praise are over.

For example, let's say that you're a photographer. When you first started dating, your partner gushed about your projects, asked you in-depth questions, lit up whenever you discussed your pieces and made photography seem like the most fascinating hobby in the world. They even came up with photoshoot ideas and talked about buying a camera for themselves.

However, as time went on, they became cold and disinterested. Instead of praising your photography, they mumbled a few criticisms or shrugged it off and changed the subject. Getting them to talk about photography became an effort, and when you tried to discuss your projects, they said, "Why are you telling me this? I'm not a photographer." You didn't know why, but your fascinating hobby was suddenly a bore.

Unfortunately, this was the plan from the beginning. Your abuser never cared that much about your hobby to begin with--they were just feigning interest to create a quick source of dopamine.

This behavior can manifest in a variety of ways. A partner who paid all your bills suddenly gets angry when you ask them to pay for dinner. A friend who said they'd always stick up for you starts badmouthing you behind your back. In any case, this isn't always a sudden switch. Often, the change happens so gradually that you don't catch on until it's too late.

3. They Subtly Isolate You

Abusers want to minimize your outside relationships for two reasons. One, they want you to depend on them for everything; and two, they don't want you talking to anyone who could warn you about their behavior. As a result, they may weave isolation techniques into their lovebombing to make it harder to notice.

At the start of the relationship, your abuser might pretend to love your social circle and even befriend a few people. However, over time, they may introduce tactics like these:

• Claiming that you're too good for your social circle
• Excessively criticizing your loved ones, often framing it as "protectiveness"
• Insisting that nobody understands you as they do
• Attacking your friends on social media
• Pushing you to cut people off

These tactics are particularly insidious because they make you feel like you're finally standing up for yourself. Sometimes, your partner even finds legitimate flaws to criticize. It's true that your parents don't listen to you, so cutting them off is the next logical step--right?

To reinforce their manipulation, your abuser may insist that you're "twin flames," "soul mates," "Bonnie and Clyde" and anything else that keeps you hooked. This feels great in the moment. But, eventually, you'll look around and realize that you abandoned almost everyone but your partner--and with nowhere else to turn, you're more vulnerable than ever.

4. They Can't Stand Being Apart

For a toxic person, every second that you're away is a second that you're not under their spell. They need you available 24/7 to reassure them, gush over them and distract them from their problems--and, later, to take the brunt of their rage. This leads them to insist on daily check-ins, lengthy phone calls, elaborate dates and hours of alone time, even if this forces you to cancel plans with other people.

At the start, this behavior might seem charming. You've got a partner who loves you so much that they can't stand to be away from you. Isn't this the kind of romance that people write novels about?

Unfortunately, their clinginess eventually starts to take a toll. Bombarding you with "i miss you :(" texts was cute when you first started dating; it's less cute when you can't hang out with your best friend without your partner blowing up your phone and demanding an explanation. When you tell them you feel smothered, they may lash out and accuse you of ignoring them, cheating on them or not putting any effort into the relationship.

Some abusers are less obvious about this. They allow you to hang out with other people and don't throw a tantrum when you're gone for a while. Instead, they subtly isolate you (as we previously discussed) and manipulate you into depending on them for every need, insisting that you don't need anyone else.

Whatever the case, the toxic person has one goal in mind: making you spend every second with them so that you'll eventually tend to their every whim and become a passive punching bag. This isn't just immaturity, either. They're playing the long game, and they hope you won't figure it out until they get bored and discard you.

Are you a victim of lovebombing? What are your red and green flags for relationships? Sound off in the comments.